Julia LeFevre says the deeper fear under AI is rooted in not belonging anywhere and losing your sense of being a part of a greater purpose. What she says works is presence: being with someone when they are afraid without judgment. For small and medium business leaders, I think building capacity to stay steady is becoming part of the job.
On Coffee Brief Episode 4, I said the business problem this way: “if you’re afraid of the tool, you’re not going to use it. The slower you are on adoption, the more behind you’re going to be.”
My guest Julia talked about what sits under that. I introduced her as an executive coach and the founder of Brave Restoration, who works on regulated leadership.
What is your team afraid of?
Julia points to a deeper fear than replacement: belonging and purpose.
I told her, “I think most people are stuck on the idea of being replaced… a lot of people wrap up who they are in what they do.” I hadn’t thought about belonging before that conversation.
Her version of the deeper fear: “…the deeper issue is that they’re not going to belong anywhere and that their purpose, their greater purpose is going to be taken from them.”
She explains it with a model of the brain. Her starting point is “our brains are naturally wired to keep us safe.” And safety covers more than the physical: “Similar to our need for air, food, water, shelter, safety is our need to belong, our need to matter.”
Why doesn’t explaining AI calm people down?
Because logic doesn’t reach where the fear sits, Julia says. In her words, “there’s no logic that can change something that’s happening in the subconscious limbic system.”
Leaders, she said, are “trying to explain with logic… why it’s okay and why people shouldn’t feel afraid… if the limbic system is saying, I don’t care, it will always override what is logical and reasonable.”
Of her own work with leaders, she said: “what I train leaders in is not giving you another training, it’s increasing your capacity to be near discomfort. It’s increasing your capacity to stay regulated.”
My view, and I mean it generously: the instinct to explain comes from wanting people to feel better, so we hand them information. Julia’s point, as I read it, is that information and being with someone are two different things.
What does a leader do instead?
Julia calls it presence: “presence. It’s being with someone when they are afraid.”
What it sounds like, in her words: “Acknowledging, validating, it is scary… you don’t have to do this alone… let me hear what you need in this process.”
On boundaries: “You don’t have to take on all of your team’s stuff. We’re not talking about not having boundaries here, but it’s just being able to be that emotional anchor…”
I like how small those lines are. None of them needs a budget, a tool, or a plan for the quarter. You could say all of them in a hallway.
Why is this a new kind of leadership?
Julia says it is, because telling people what to do and relying on hard skills alone will lose people. She put it this way: “the role of leadership is evolving in this age of AI… if you’re going to rely only on being able to tell people what to do and kind of the hard skills, you’re going to lose people because what they need is somebody who sees them and is going to help them to access their smart brain.”
On the show I described how business leadership usually sounds: “we think about… are we hitting our KPIs… do we have a plan for this quarter?” I added that MBAs aren’t taught to think about the person or their worries, they’re taught numbers. Julia’s reply: “Which is a whole other thing that needs to change.”
I wasn’t taught this, and I suspect many leaders weren’t either, so the honest place to start is admitting it’s new.
For leaders who say they don’t want the soft stuff, she was blunt: “then you’re paying people to be emotional instead of smart.”
What can you do this week?
Pick one conversation about AI with your team and, before it, notice where you get uncomfortable. Then open with her words. Say the scary part out loud. Say they don’t have to do this alone. Ask what they need. Write down what they tell you. That plan is my suggestion, not Julia’s.
I’d keep it small. One conversation, with one person if that’s easier. It doesn’t need to be a program.
Julia’s line is the one I keep coming back to: “leaders will not be able to lead teams further than they have been willing to travel.”
When you want something concrete to follow that conversation, my article, Automate or Augment? A Job-by-Job Test for Small Business Owners, is a place to start. If your people are already using AI in ways you didn’t sign off on, my shadow AI piece covers what to do about it.
To hear Julia say all of this herself, watch Coffee Brief Episode 4: watch the episode. The episode show notes have the key moments and chapters.
Frequently Asked Questions
- Why are employees afraid of AI?
- David says most people are stuck on the idea of being replaced, and that a lot of people wrap up who they are in what they do. Julia LeFevre, an executive coach, says the deeper fear is rooted in not belonging anywhere and losing a sense of being part of a greater purpose.
- How do I talk to my team about AI?
- Julia's words for it are acknowledging, validating, saying you don't have to do this alone, and asking what the person needs in the process. She says you keep your boundaries while you do it. Trying those lines in your next team conversation about AI is David's suggestion, not hers.
- Is AI change management different from other change?
- Julia says the role of leadership is evolving in this age of AI, and that leaders who rely only on telling people what to do and on hard skills will lose people. She didn't compare AI to other kinds of change in the episode.
- How do I get my team to actually use AI?
- David's view is that if people are afraid of the tool, they won't use it, and slower adoption puts you further behind. Julia's approach is to be with the fear rather than explain it away with logic. Both are views from one conversation, not a tested method.
- What does presence mean for a leader?
- Julia defines it as being with someone when they are afraid without judgment. She says it takes capacity: being able to stay near discomfort and stay regulated yourself, without taking on all of your team's stuff.